I'm about to start my second year as a university student and already debating if accounting is what I want to spend the rest of my life with. I keep telling myself it's a stable and secure job, that I shouldn't worry about it and just go ahead. But should I really do it if I can't put my heart in to it? My friend even told me that although I'm good at it, and I don't mind it, she can't see me putting my heart into it. Even my mother said she wouldn't be surprised if I changed my degree to something else.
The problem is, what do I want to spend my life doing? Will I regret not chasing after my dreams?
Maybe discussing these things with my friend after 4am (maybe it was 3am...) and she is falling asleep isn't the brightest idea. But it's one of those things I worry about and just can't get out. The hardest part is knowing that my heart isn't in it, and that I could survive doing the work, I don't know if I would feel content doing it. My mind keeps telling me to be sensible, to stay where I am, but I don't even know if I will succeed. I'm currently in a position where if I can get a co-op it will become part of my school learning. If not I technically change programs and switch down (not like it's worse I just lose the chance at a real life experience) and it's not like it would change the classes I'm taking. It means I would be done earlier, and that's it. I would walk across the stage a receive my diploma one year earlier then I've planned to currently.
I mean it's not like I see myself following what has been suggested might be good paths for me (child care, chef (pastry to be exact), teacher) but something my interest and heart would be put into. So I won't be doing work because it can be mindless and easy to me.
To be a published author is a dream of mine. And I'm working towards that dream, even if I'm working a little slowly (I've been working on the same story for a while, but it is making the most progress of my stories so far...) really just to be published and know that there are people out in the world reading a story that I wrote... it's something I don't think I could ever fully explain.
Media is the other thing. I'm interested in the differences in the way music gets promoted here and in other places such as South Korea and Japan. I'd admire the time and effort idols there put into doing what they love. To be able to work to help them promote themselves and maybe help them show the American/Canadian markets what their level of dedication is would be amazing.
I think part of the problem is that I'm afraid to jump in head first and try to go for something I love instead of something practical. Would I be able to survive doing so? Would I be able to actually go overseas and work where I really want to. Can I really follow my ambitions and succeed? The more I think about all the unanswered questions the more worried I get. And I hate the feeling of being worried so I sink back into what I know what I can do and work in, even if it isn't everything to me. I know I need to discuss this with my mother someday but for as understanding as she would be, she may think I'm trying to reach a little far out without giving a little sensibility to my thoughts.
Really in the end it all comes back down to what do I want to do? The problem is though number of thoughts and other questions that go into answering just that one...
If you made it through my mess of thoughts that are most likely not in order please leave a comment. Other points of views are always appreciated.
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