Thoughts

I nearly wrote, school, life and love in a profile of mine. But really I don't really talk about love, nor do I complain about a lack of it. Lately it has been on my mind though, people around me seem to all be caught up in it. Last year the big topic around me was getting friends. Why do I never have any friends over from school? How come I never seem to hang out with people? I really should start talking to people more. Then I started talking to someone, that seem to quiet down the questions of me making friends. This year I made another good friend and I'm happy for that.

For some reason though the talk this year around me has changed from friends to love. I was asked once if I was dating my one friend. It caught me by surprise cause I'm just friends with the person and we only just talk. Then I was talking to someone else, they found out that I had never been out on a date (yes for my age that is quite surprising apparently) and when asked why I said I've never been asked out. My close friends will tell you I'm a little old fashion and I'll admit it too, I'm fine with that. So yes, as a more old fashioned girl I wait for a guy to ask me out. Anyways, I was told to go flirt with someone. I dismissed the idea pretty quickly. Although when I thought about it the next day I realized that it sounded like advice one of my good friends would give me, so I told her, and her response was that it is a good idea. I'm just not one to flirt when I think about it. Sometimes I wish I wasn't as quiet as I am normally, but I like being quiet and keeping ideas to myself, but maybe it's made me to quiet, maybe I should just take all this talk as a sign that I should start looking for a guy. I'm not so sure about it yet, but who knows maybe it's hinting that one day soon I might find the person with whom I'm willing to show actual interest in.

Aim??

I'm currently doing an OB class in university and after starting my first weeks assignments I'm finding that this is not going to be an easy class for me. It's not because the information is difficult or anything but they want everything related to something else. Articles will work, but I don't normally see business articles that relate to things happen within a company other then when a strike is in the foreseeable future. The other option we have is to relate to real life experience. The only way this works is if you have worked in a company or with more then one person. Having only really worked as a babysitter I don't have the kind of experience they are looking to people to use. Sure I could say I felt empowered or something, but when it's really only you and a kid who should be the one feeling empowered, the kid who can't talk or you?? I know that through this they are trying to remove the exam from the course but for some of us it would be easier to answer questions to prove that we understand what we are to be studying rather then stressing over trying to scrape something together that only shows tenth of the potential we have at understanding the concepts. I'm becoming stressed over the fact that I'm not even coming close to getting anything without relying on my friend which only works so far because it is harder to explain how someone else felt at a point. I was happy at first that I would have no exam, but I would be stressing less because I wouldn't feel like I'm failing just because I don't seem to have the invisible prerequisites for this course.

Reflecting on an Old Post

I was reading my old post from the start of this past school year and decided that I wanted to continue on with what happened. This was the post about being uncomfortable talking to new people. Well I managed to do okay with that. In one class we had assignments that could be done in groups of up to three people. Although I was not the first one to talk with both the girls I did manage to work with them in groups for both assignments. Although we didn't talk outside of class I did still manage to talk to them without it feeling extremely uncomfortable.

I did manage to do a little better than that still. The labs I had mentioned in the post did me some good. The first day I ended up sitting next to a pair of friends. I mainly talked to the girl who was directly next to me, but did help the guy on her other side a little. A few days later he realized that he sits directly in front of me in another class. We both were heading to a computer lab to finish our assignments after class so we worked together to finish the assignment due that day. I ended up talking to him by the end of the semester from working on the assignments for class in the same computer lab. The following semester we both had the same classes and most of them together. One day a week we basically had the same breaks so we began working on homework together then. He reminded me of one of my other friends especially when he didn't understand things so the past couple years of explaining things to my friend really helped.

I quite happy to say that I have improved a little in my ability to talk to people I don't know. I even start a conversation with someone who was in all my classes. Lent my book out a few times, once in class and when the guy who was sitting next to me said he didn't agree to share his book with me before I lent mine to the guys in front of me I had talked to him enough that I was comfortable to state that he would share.

Who knows maybe with the next school year I will improve some more :)

1892 Application

So today I was applying for a job and having a horrible time writing a cover letter sort of email. While trying to come up with something I was texting a friend of mine. out of boredom of trying to think I composed a random application statement. This is the result of that writing (with a few grammar and spelling corrections):

Good day sir,

I have heard about the position from the town crier and thought to give my name to the local office. Since it is apparently 1892 and I'm female I have had lessons at a finishing school at which point I learned how to run household finances. I believe this makes me well trained for the job and that you should look no further then my petticoats. Please send word through my father while you are both at the gentlemen's club tonight. And once again good day.



I know this isn't historically accurate or anything, but it was only written in a bit of fun and is not meant to hold any real research of any sort. Although I do think this bit of random writing from the 1892 perspective comes from the fact that I read to much. And the eight new used books I bought this past weekend aren't going to help much (finished the three manga already though :) )

Can Boredom and Exams Lead to Crazy Ideas?

The answer is yes. No I'm not calling the film school plan a crazy idea. That one is legit and I plan on applying once I can find a person to be my reference letter writer (so few choices...) which I probably won't find until after exams. Neither would I call my thoughts as to where I should apply to work crazy, although yes one description included ability to use knives and cut (and before you get any crazy ideas it's a fruit place with fruits cut into shapes!! :P) but no it's this: link

If you clicked on the link before reading the rest of this, congratulations on your curiosity. For those of you who didn't, it's a link to a list of audition places for JYP Entertainment (which is a Korean talent agency). I'm actually considering going to one of the auditions even though I don't exactly have the look they will be looking for and my dancing ability is a little low (not my fault my years of dance were learning traditional) but I have been told that I have a good singing voice (choir director was quite surprised after the first time she gave me a mic to use for a verse [yay for ambition to take the part, was so nervous that day cause it wasn't a school audience but a school board related one])but I'm not sure. I would be fine with the rejection I know that much (and would be majorly surprised with acceptance) but the other thought on my mind is whether or not I should save something as crazy as this until after I finish film school cause I would be back in time for it in 2 years...

So yeah that's my crazy thought today on a day in between exams.

Hello Again...

I really do want to try and get back into blogging, especially since writing things out help clear my mind sometimes. I'm still majorly (to the point of getting ready to apply) looking into changing schools and programs. I'm thinking film since I've always had a love of plot lines and this will allow me to continue to grow with my creative side. Plus I believe the work would suit me better. I'm really not the type who likes to be locked up with repetitive tasks. The only thing is anyone who I bring this up to believes that I should stay in business (before I say film school and just state switching programs, except for one person who still says I'm to good to leave business [which YAY!! but still]).

The hard part is after spending two years in one program and spending 3.5years focusing on this job I'm worried about making the wrong choice. That in the end I will fail or decided that it's still not the right path for me. It makes it so much harder on me since I am such an indecisive person, and to make such a choice just makes me want to stay where I feel comfortable rather then change.

Feeling Bleh

and thinking about how I look to do something more exciting yet everytime I sit there and try to see if the benefits outway whatever I consider the costs... The only problem is by doing this I never do anything... I want to do something, get published, try to do something that I would normally look at and then put aside, and I'm trying to but I like things the way they are where I know I have some form of comfort, yet I always watch shows were the characters do whatever they can for their dreams and wish I could be like them, but I can't even do something like go study international business in Japan. And no it's not my life long dream to work in an international business but from my point of view now it would be better then spending my life pouring over documents making sure everything was prepared properly and the rules were followed... and currently I'm on the path to the second one. Ask any of my friends and they would tell I would love ro go to Japan, even if it means not following te original path I had planned, and at this point it doesn't matter cause I want to change this path and change my future, but really if I could do anything I would go back to what I've wanted for years, to be published, but because I know my chances are low I will stick along a safer path while working towards that. The only problem is not exactly knowning what that path should be anymore. But if anything I wantt to have changed something by this time next year, and not be sitting in my own room at home thinking that I really don't want to continue this way...

Another post where I was just going with my feelings so sorry if it's a little random and doesn't completely make sense... want clarification on anything just leave a comment