Feeling Bleh

and thinking about how I look to do something more exciting yet everytime I sit there and try to see if the benefits outway whatever I consider the costs... The only problem is by doing this I never do anything... I want to do something, get published, try to do something that I would normally look at and then put aside, and I'm trying to but I like things the way they are where I know I have some form of comfort, yet I always watch shows were the characters do whatever they can for their dreams and wish I could be like them, but I can't even do something like go study international business in Japan. And no it's not my life long dream to work in an international business but from my point of view now it would be better then spending my life pouring over documents making sure everything was prepared properly and the rules were followed... and currently I'm on the path to the second one. Ask any of my friends and they would tell I would love ro go to Japan, even if it means not following te original path I had planned, and at this point it doesn't matter cause I want to change this path and change my future, but really if I could do anything I would go back to what I've wanted for years, to be published, but because I know my chances are low I will stick along a safer path while working towards that. The only problem is not exactly knowning what that path should be anymore. But if anything I wantt to have changed something by this time next year, and not be sitting in my own room at home thinking that I really don't want to continue this way...

Another post where I was just going with my feelings so sorry if it's a little random and doesn't completely make sense... want clarification on anything just leave a comment

A little bit of a homework rant...

I know I should come on here more then to just pour out my stressful decisions and what not, but with school right now it seems like that is all I have. I'm currently working on an assignment due tomorrow at 4. I have class until 2, and I know I won't get up early enough before class to finish this so I must finish it now... And I don't want to worry about being pressed for time to finish the assignment by doing it after class... the other thing is that I have other things I must also do tomorrow, yay for the fact that it is not school stuff to be handed in and marked... I apologize for the really bad grammar in this post my brain is trying to stay econ focused while I quickly get this out. I'll try and post something positive over the weekend. Well for know I must try and finish this assignment, it's currently 1am, shall I make by 2am at the latest my goal? I'll edit this later and tell you all if I managed to make it :)

Random...

I'm don't know why I'm sharing this... it is just a random thought I had, something I would normally post on twitter... but whatever... I just realized that originally I was going to have the one character in the the book I"m writing Ryuu, but I changed the guy and his character slightly so I changed his name. Recently I have started to learn Japanese by self study, the part I found funny cause he was to be a guy claiming to be an international student. Well in Japanese gakusei means student, and ryuugakusei means international student. Upon realizing that I started to laugh... like the title says this is completely random, but something I found randomly hilarious :P

Writing

I'm currently working on my story again, but I can't seem to find a distraction for me. Somehow I always work better if I have the tv playing in the background or something, even if I also have my headphones in playing music. But here I am currently sitting in a dark room with my laptop and no distractions. I would turn on my other computer and put a movie playing on it but I'm missing a cord... and you would think I could remember where I placed it lol...

Apparently I get a little hyper when I'm bored but it doesn't really matter cause my one friend is getting most of the random thoughts coming to my head, like the fact that Ninja Assassin the movie is sitting next to me.

I've recently rediscovered my love for WaT (Wentz and Teppei), as well as their solo works. I must say their stuff is amazing and if you've never heard any of it, to go search it out and listen (they are a Japanese duo).

I must say I went on youtube and distracted myself for a while and therefore my hyperness has gone away, and hopefully soon I'll bring myself back to my writing and finish off the chapter.

Have fun with whatever you plan on doing after reading this post.

School

This time I mean this year, not the worries about next.

I was really worried about this year since I don't really talk to anyone that I didn't go to high school, and even then I still don't talk to people I went to high school with. The thing I realized is that even though people attend school and know others there it doens't guarentee that they're going to end up in classes with people they know, or the chance to sit with those they do. Today I ended up helping the guy next to me in the lab even though I didn't and still don't even know who he is. Although I know common courtesy is to introduce yourself to someone when you start talking part of school is learning to interact with those you never know and trying to get a comfortable feeling while doing so. Same goes with the girls I worked with last week. We teamed up and trusted each other even though we didn't know one another, and who knows, now that the class is moving to labs there is a chance neither of them will ever show up to a class again, but over all I'm learning to work with others, even when it isn't mandatory that I do so. Although I'm still uncomfortable I'm learning to step out a little at a time and work with others. Who knows maybe after this year I will move on to another school and out of my house, even out of country, but at least from this year I will have learnt that sometimes even the things that normally make me uncomfortable can be beaten. Even if it is because of some random person stuck beside me for one day that was a little clueless from time to time...

Maybe stepping out a little this year will let me remove that fear from the equation while I look ahead to my future.

Back to School

I've been back at school for two days now. Should consider myself lucky that one of my classes doesn't require an exam, midterm or final!!!! There is one test and ten assignments which should be fine. I have used the Simply Accounting program once before so I luck out with that, although last time was in grade eleven and because of the problems people were having with the program and therefore nothing was ever handed in to be checked as originally planned. That caused our Independent Study Unit (ISU) to be changed from using the program to completing a series of bank reconciliations...

Anyways, Thursdays will be long days since my first class starts at 11am and my last class ends at 10pm. Hopefully I will survive another year of learning, make a new friend or two, and finish the year able to move on to another program once I choose what I want to do and where it is possible for me to go...

Risk Taker

I'm not really one. I know I don't want to stay in the program I'm in because I get frustrated easily by the work. I can't stand seeing the fact that I'm wrong and can't correct it and I'm the type that if I know it's wrong I need to be able to fix it. Instead I think about staying in the business studies area, but I would rather not have to specialize. So I found a program, International Business Studies, seems interesting. I look for the program in Canada, no school here has what I want, the only university that has it is Schulich and there I would have to specialize if a miracle occured and I managed to get grades to go there (which is like impossible unless your a genius...) Instead I found an American in Japan (the same one I mentioned in the last entry).

My problem is that I'm not a major risk taker. The thought of going by myself to study in a foreign country (and not even thinking about the amount it would cost me...) makes me extremely nervous beyond nervous. And I keep asking myself if I want to go for the program because it sounds interesting and good to me or is it because I want to go to Japan and experience living there? If it is the second one, does it really make sense for me to spend so much to go study there instead of waiting until after I'm done school (and am working) and vacation there instead? The problem is my vision gets blurred and I can't seem to answer these questions myself because my nervous come up and go omg going away, foreign country, only coming home for summer, rarely seeing your family, being in a foreign country and I go back to trying to think about other things rather than worry...


I know this is so similar to my last post but lately is one of the only things on my mind and I would really love to hear what others think. Although it won't make the decision it may help clear my thoughts while thinking.